I decided to be a Blues Brother today. I used to do it when I had ingested noxious substances, most famously speed and still do it sober. For the benefit of an audience I am now wholly sure aren’t actually there. Am currently living in my Grandmother’s and she did not seem surprised by this. White shirt + black hat and the cinema’s 3D glasses and now I’m a Blues Brother. The glasses are only really needed to complete the look but I did expect a question from her such as “Why are you a Blues Brother?” But alas none came. Maybe it happened frequently when I was not aware of my surroundings. Maybe she thought I looked suave. I thought I looked suave.
There seems to be an insult that keeps cropping up against me. The insult is “you’re not very smart/clever”. It comes in a lot of varieties including my Mother’s now famous “You think you’re a smartarse” and “Do you think you’re smarter than me”. The answer to the first being “No, I’m not a smartarse because I don’t get into the habit of insulting myself” and the second being “Yes, Me being without a second level qualification does not make me stupid, It makes me a revolutionary (not really). I am smart though, I know that much. Generally it crops up when I’ve pissed someone off and my intention to make the peace is refuted with “You’re not clever”. Actually my attempt to not be a cockbag and tell you that I’m sorry and peacefully claim why you’re mistaken, that makes me clever. Maybe they think I’m trying to wriggle out of trouble but then they’re really putting themselves very low in my estimation of them. I’d only ever try and wriggle out of something if I
1. Wanted to receive more or some sexual favours in the future from them.
2. Had done something bad to someone too stupid for me to explain my motivations.
Generally weirdly enough, I actually tell people the truth unless the truth is wasted on them. I’m awesome, trust me on that.
A friend of mine/Youth worker of mine/ some guy called John and I keep having these long philosophical discussions. A question I have to pose to myself because of my reaction to some statement he made is “Am I internally homophobic?”. This is because well I basically said “If I was gay, I wouldn’t tell anyone, I’d be ashamed”. I’m not gay that much I know and I feel like I have to dignify that statement with a sentence about how much I love vagina. But I understand overcompensation and that dear Sir is overcompensation. I’ve always been very much for gay rights and thought that gay people were awesome, fighters for personal freedom and I love that kind of gig., always did. I’ve been in The George (gay bar) way too many times and slept with men and had fun with it. But I still have that feeling that being gay would be shameful to me and I think the reason behind this is that because I’m out to my LGBT group as a big Tranny, I don’t want them to mix me in with the straight girls or the gay guys they know. I always hated the tag lesbian and I think that switching completely would be ridiculous. I do like women and I occasionally enjoy the company of men and I’m going to leave it as that.