I keep expecting to wake up with worry lines painted onto my face by sleep. I spend too much time thinking, so much that I can feel myself ticking over. I’d much prefer to be a simpler soul and not debate with myself endlessly over mine and others ethics. My ethics are generally ever changing because they become more refined the more I mill over them.
Here’s a list -
To eat an animal that you have not killed yourself (in the wild like any other animal) is wrong.
The reason I came to this conclusion was because animals in essence are innocent. They can’t defend themselves, they can’t reason, they don’t hurt another simply for the sake. Animals are innocent because they lack everything that makes human beings evil. As beautiful as humans are with our poetry and music and stories, you look at that for long enough and all you can see is the mindless gossip, the senseless jealousy and The Daily Mail. Animals are a lot like newborn babies in my eyes. As innocent as them anyway.
This is something about myself which I am unsure whether is a flaw or a virtue.
Have loyalty deep in your bones for those you love and destroy with every fibre of your being the ones you hate.
The first part is a virtue in a way but a curse also. I would throw myself in front of a bus to save some people. This is because I see their lives as having more meaning than mine. Its almost like I can see the inner embodiment of just untainted beauty within them. When people hurt them, you have to take their side because with that flawlessness (of a kind) comes unspeakable naivety and trust. I’ve held few people to that status and every one of them has put their trust in most they meet, putting their neck on the chopping block and I feel that it is my place to drag them off it. But it is a testament to their beauty that they always trust.
On the second part when I talk about destruction, I don’t mean in terms of vengeance. I don’t think I’m driven by revenge. I think its to do with my old belief in karma. That eventually something bad enough should happen to them that they understand their wrongs. When I figured out that if you’re only horrible to one person or are clever enough to dodge trouble that you are exempt from the rule. I felt as though I had to make them suffer like I suffered as if I was following the laws of the universe.
I should question myself more on this, its ridiculous.
That’s all I’ll say on this, I’d like to say more but my brain hurts and I’ve got True Grit to watch.
I nearly am desperate to ask, why do my hidden followers. All 356 of you to be exact, come here at all? Maybe you’re doing an essay with the title “A Question Of Madness”. (I read that book about the Russians torture techniques when I was 13). Put that in your essay.